Top 10 tips for living more aligned to you

AJ meditating by a beach near San Diego, CA

There are several things I remind myself of regularly. It helps me to keep the perspective I want and that benefits me most. And the more I remind myself, the stronger I know, and the more in tune with my authenticity I feel.

1.     There are no rules. We made them all up. If you want to talk about things that are ALWAYS something I think you are talking about the LAWS of nature. Outside of that, we made up all the rules! (And most of the rules we allow to control us come from systems of oppression, so forget those anyway!)

2.     Be compassionate towards yourself. Give yourself permission to have a bad day, to fail, to take a break. If you could, you would and when you can, you will. Life is hard and full of suffering, treat yourself as gently as you would anything or anyone else. A child, a dog, a friend.

3.     Stop fighting life. This one is wild because the more you surrender to the uncontrollable as something you cannot change, the more it frees up energy to focus on the things you can change, yourself. Plus, the more we fight with something, the stronger it gets, so stop giving it practice. 

4.     Break everything down into manageable steps. And I mean manageable. There have been times where simply remembering that I have a certain goal, regardless of taking an action towards achieving the goal, is a step in itself. I have also included steps like getting dressed for a goal or gathering supplies for a goal. I make my steps tiny and guaranteed for success. Plus, sometimes taking one step is enough for me to go ahead and take a few more. BONUS!

5.     Any progress is progress when you are trying to better yourself. Rest is REQUIRED along the way so give it to yourself and count it as progress. As many days, months, years that you need. There’s active and inactive progress and both counts as progress!

6.     Use failure as a tool because that’s what it is, this task performed in that way at this time etc., didn’t work. That’s feedback baby! Use it. Do it differently next time. No attempt to do anything is wasted. TRYING anything is a win, always. Every. Single. Time.

7.     Celebrate EVERY win and I mean every win, you deserve it. Did you wake up on time today? Heck yeah. Shower? Bonus! Did you rest? Did you give something some thought? Communicate with someone? Win, win, win. Wearing pants? Win. Not wearing pants? Win. You’re here, that’s always a win. Become your biggest cheerleader. Don’t worry about being arrogant, if you have found your way to reading this, I don’t think you need to worry about such things.

8.     Solution-focused thinking. Wow, this is language from my school psychology days, but shifting your perspective to be focused on solutions to whatever is at hand as opposed to focusing on the problem and looking for someone or something to blame is powerful. Look for what you want to see because that is what you will see.

9.     Practice gratitude. There have been days when I have to scrape to find things to be grateful for, but they are out there. Waking up, having somewhere to sleep, access to indoor plumbing, clean water, food in the fridge. I know not everyone has access to such things, but those of us that do often take it for granted. The more you stand back and take stock of everything you have and feel gratitude for it, the less you will focus on what you don’t have, and the more “have” you will begin to see.

10.  Be willing to let go. Know that as you grow, you will grow with some and apart from others. People, places, and things will begin to fall away. Let them go. Don’t force anything. You may grieve some losses and your world may *seem* to shrink at first, but quality will always be more important than quantity. I have left a husband, a best friend, and a career at different points in my healing process and those were some of the best decisions I ever made for myself. I chose me and I have zero regrets.